Demotion

To SMSA MPP 2015-2016 - SALUTE!

2015/2016 SMSA MPP Ohana. Thankd Uzma(front) for the photo! 

It has been a memorable one year working together with some of the loveliest and most inspirational people ever as members of my sixth form's student rep council. Thank you so much everyone!

On the 5th of April 2016, which was just yesterday, we stepped down.

I may not have been any big key player in the publicity and media unit, but nevertheless, I have learned, despite several mistakes. We have worked together in running some of the school's major events, from Raya to PreU1 Orientation, and smaller ones such as charity food bazaars, and it has been quite an experience! I may have been utilised relatively less and provided less physical help, but I've been watching the process, observing people's work ethics, and you'd be surprised by how much I've learned by mere staring hahaha!

One of my favourite MPP would have to be our Head Girl, hands down. She is actually just an "assistant head MPP", but I always see her as a MPP Head Girl. Idc. She's too cool. She doesn't know it, but in SMSA, she's my girl role model.

Diy is like this really cool girl (to me, at least). She's smart, hardworking, responsible, funny, and beautiful of course. She wears braces, and she looks soooo cuuuuteeee when she smiles with them and her dimples pop out. But above all, SHE IS A LEADER. To me, she is the leader among leaders. She dares to step up to lead our first few tasks when we're all newbies sitting around waiting for instructions. She delegates tasks and asks our opinions and makes lists and timetables. She is not afraid to offend and tell you staright front if it mean getting the job done. While outside of MPP affairs, she withdraws her "air of boss", and is back to a normal diligent student. I like her so much.

I could ramble on, but I'm not getting to my point. Because this is not some sappy thank you post or touching life lessons entry or fan mail.

This is a Reflection Post.

Over the course of the SMSA MPP one year life, I've observed a lot, but said little, regarding the different kinds of MPPs we have. Being a MPP is no cheesecake responsibility. There were times when we needed to skip a few classes to handle certain things, skip break or lunch for meetings, stay back after school, or deal with the disapproving or even dissing looks and comments from tutors who do not really like the fact we're missing out on their subjects.

Being a MPP, we should've understand that we're student leaders - leaders work things out, find solutions, and if not, just suck it up.

Leaders don't whine.

And it is sad that I see a lot of us complaining. I literally FEEL sad witnessing their whining and exasperation. And worse is when some would not turn up for meetings. Some don't even show up for ANYTHING and wants NO INVOLVENT.

Which is ironic! Who was the one who was so enthusiastic to join in the first place?

I admit, there were a couple of times when I would complain too. But I assure you, they're petty things. Overall, I really really treasure and cherish the privilege of being a MPP. And I, for one, understands that these few meetings or preparations or whatever is just a short term thing. Once it's gotten over with, it's no more. And they don't even drag on long. And people are whining like pussies. Some might have valid reasons for so hence I cannot totally hold it against them. But the rest have the worst reasons. Laziness. Pointless. Boring. School work overload (right. u mean online drama is it?)

THE THING IS, I guess that maybe the reason I treasure being a MPP so much that I always try do my best in whatever my trivial task is and not complain is that... I was initially NOT supposed to be a MPP.

I think you'd understand me. A lot of us had similar experiences before, where we cherish the things earned the hard way, or things that were never yours.

Just so you know, MPPs are selected. They are selected by tutors based on the potential or positive qualities they see in you.

Becoming a MPP is a privilege. We all understand that when we signed up. Most of us forgotten that towards the end of the road.

I wasn't selected. And it crushed me. It crushed me so bad. It crushed me so so bad, that I shed some tears at my PS table. My friends couldn't understand. Some might even think I was being a drama queen. (BTW they were silent tears thank you very much)

It wasn't so much the activities and trips that I'll be missing out on (tho I must say I was looking forward to those very very much), but that tutors do not recognise that I have potential. Like I'm a lesser nobody student. Which I know I'm not. Like they doubted me. I'm a debater. I'm an environmental awareness advocate. I can be a MPP too. I just needed the chance to experience and learn.

And it crushed me.

Some of my friends theorized that it was because I'm taking an additional subject that the school didn't wanna further pressure me. Idk.

So I volunteered.

We can volunteer actually. But the feeling just isn't the same as being SELECTED and ASKED to go for the interview.

So I went to the interview. And there were a few other volunteers as well.

It was hella nerve wrecking. Really. My neck was twitching. I was SO SCARED of screwing it up.

And I made it in. Me and another friend. Just two volunteers.

I was ecstatic.

And I'm guessing that's why some (not all,  there are still a lot of dedicated and amazing ones and I love them they might not know it but I love them) of the MPPs just don't take their responsibilities seriously and is always dissing their jobs.
Because they got it easy. They were already on the wanted list. I earned what was never mine.

But it was also kinda ironic about that other volunteer friend of mine who got in. He wanted it bad too. He got it. Unfortunately, he was also a complainer. Some common complains are laziness, weather too hot, boring, waste of time, insufficient time to study yada yada yada. And the the most ironic thing is at the end of the events he'll be like omg i miss it so much, it was such a memory!, I can't believe it ended so fast, I wish we could do it again!

Seriously? Omgughhhh.

I never felt like I was doing enough. Due to my initial my shyness perhaps, people don't really assign me the bigger jobs, or the better jobs, or into better teams. It's ok. I don't mind. I'm a member of the MPPs. I just need to accomplish whatever my job. That enough.

Oh my I'm not getting to my point... okay let's speed things up! (hopefully... )

Some of my biggest regrets, which till today never fail to tug at my chest, is my not voicing out. I could've volunteered for certain tasks. I could've asked to bring assigned other things. I could've spoken up in certain meetings. But either it was the intimidation I felt in a room of leaders, or that I wanna "do whatever my friends do", I never did.

Regrets.

Oh how funny it was when I couldn't even have faith in my friends to save me a seat when I came late for a meeting. Or trust that they would've noticed me and find some way to welcome me into their circle in meetings. They were my supposedly good friends.

And I learned that, very late towards our demotion, that it's a selfish world. And that people do not have to feel compelled to bring you in. Like what my physics tutor always said:

Who promised you a fair life?

I started very late, but at some point towards the end, I started going to meetings alone. And early. No more waiting for friends to take their sweet time. If they're not serious or dedicated as I am that's their problem.

I would go and choose good seats at the front or center. I would ask questions directly instead through friends. I would communicate with any MPPs sitting beside me. I would take up jobs (if I had the choice) that I want, not what my friends want. I joined the "Shakespeare" team for orientation not because any friends were there, but because I'm a literature student, and I love Shakespeare.
I joined the new MPP intake leadership course slated in our precious holidays. As I said, I never felt that I did enough. I never felt important. I never felt brave enough when I KNOW I could. So I was trying to make it all up to myself in my last duties as a MPP. The course didn't see a lot of enthusiastic facilitators. None of my Chinese friends joined. I don't care.

I can be independent.

Being a MPP is a privilege.

People don't understand that anymore. But I do.